


Quincunx Part Five

by pollybywater



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-25
Updated: 2002-08-25
Packaged: 2018-11-20 18:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11340645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollybywater/pseuds/pollybywater
Summary: A stretch of bumpy AU road for Krycek and Mulder.  Will they work things out?  Will Q change the terms of his deal?





	Quincunx Part Five

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Quincunx Part Five

## Quincunx Part Five

#### by PollyBywater

Spoilers: Assume most Krycek eps and anything to season eight. Archive: Oh, sure, just let me know  
Warnings: Part 5 contains explicit descriptions of m/m sex not recommended for minors or fundamentalists. Disclaimer: Chris Carter and 1013 Productions own the majority of the characters I've borrowed for this story. Paramount owns ST: TNG, but I still maintain, Q is his own entity. I make no money off this wee bit of fancy; it's a true labor of love. Notes: Gonna be hard to follow if ya didn't read the first four parts. Q insisted on involving himself again, I couldn't help it. A tip of my virtual hat to Emma Woodhouse, whose work I admire, and to Varoneeka, who writes an inspirational Q. Sorry it took nearly a month to finish this part, hit a slump, what can ya say. 

Mulder hadn't thought he would sleep. It wasn't late, after all, and he'd actually had a nap earlier in the day, but he must have been more tired than he realized. He woke to find Alex moving restlessly and moaning, and recognized the symptoms of a nightmare. 

Maybe he should have expected it. 

The room was dark. Mulder turned on the bedside table lamp before he tried to awaken Alex, hoping the light would help. 

"Alex. Baby. Wake up. Everything's all right," he murmured softly, stroking that stubbled face. Green eyes snapped open, frightened and unfocused, then Mulder watched sanity drain back into them as Alex met his gaze. 

"Fox. You're really here," Alex whispered out on a sigh. 

"Yeah. You had a bad dream." 

Alex nodded silently and hid his face in Mulder's chest, anchoring one arm around Mulder's side. Mulder petted that dark head, happy to offer whatever comfort he could. He'd awakened so many times from his own nightmares, alone, wishing for someone to hold him. He imagined it was the same for Alex, probably even more so, because Mulder had always had Scully only a phone call away. Who had Alex had? Who had he _ever_ had? 

Who would he have when Q sent them back? 

"You want to tell me about it?" 

"Dreamed all _this_ was a dream... that I was gonna wake up in the silo again," Alex mumbled out against his chest, and Mulder curled one hand under Alex's chin and tilted his face up. 

"It's not a dream, baby... although I can see why you might get confused." 

Alex regarded him curiously, and Mulder grinned. 

"Making love with you was the kind of experience I thought only happened in dreams," he explained, winning one of those beautiful, sweet smiles. 

"Fox. It was beyond anything I _ever_ dreamed," Alex confessed, and Mulder slid down the few necessary inches it took to be able to kiss him, feeling it all over again... that sense of rightness and belonging that shook Mulder down to his toes. He closed his teeth gently on Alex's full lower lip and tugged at it, then swiped his tongue over the puffy flesh before he released that perfect mouth, enjoying the glazed look that had come over his lover's eyes. Might be a fine opportunity to get an unguarded answer to a certain question Mulder had. If he could figure out how to phrase it. 

"Earlier you said you 'didn't know' something. Did you mean- were you saying you'd never- uh-" 

Alex's face flushed pink, and Mulder, who'd seen any number of unusual things over the course of his life, had to secretly admit that the sight of Alex Krycek blushing ranked right up there among the most unexpected. This wasn't the first time he'd seen it, but the novelty of it was nowhere near fading. Mulder doubted it ever would. 

"N- no, I'd never bottomed before. Never wanted to before." Alex's low-voiced confirmation caused some place deep in Mulder's gut to dip and roll, caught halfway between fear and a pure rush of love. 

The fear spoke first. 

"You wanted to with me, though? I didn't- didn't push you-" 

"No, Fox. I- I didn't want it to be anybody _but_ you," Alex said and smiled at him again, eyes shining. 

"Thank you," he said seriously, and was rewarded with another faint blush as Alex's gaze dropped. 

Something about the inherent passivity in that gesture bothered Mulder and started his mind to working. With the exception of one kiss and that truly awesome blow job Alex hadn't initiated anything that had happened between them, and it occurred to Mulder that Alex's reactions to him were probably as foreign to Alex as they were to him. With that came the realization that it had to be incredibly difficult for Alex to know how to behave with him. Everything had changed so fast between them. If _he_ was having trouble wrapping his mind around it, how much harder must it be for Alex, and what could he do to make it easier? 

Mulder forced himself to stop and think it through. Empathy wasn't something Mulder had a lot of experience with, profiling skills aside, and he had his own responses to fight, as well. Knowing he'd been the first -and if he had his way, the only- lover to take Alex that way gave him a surge of primitive satisfaction. The part of Mulder that liked to consider himself civilized found that embarrassing, but another part, a larger part, found it wholly arousing... tempting him to possess Alex again and roar 'mine'! 

He had no doubt that Alex would submit to whatever he wanted, probably even joyfully. Alex loved him that much. Mulder knew it, even if the younger man was sparing with the actual words. So the question was, did he want a submissive Alex, or did he want what he'd said he wanted, a fifty-fifty deal? Did he want the man he'd only seen glimpses of? Stubborn, passionate, opinionated, argumentative, sensitive, demanding, funny and intelligent, fully his equal in every way that mattered, and as far from naturally passive as the sun from the moon? 

Damn right, he wanted that Alex. Now he only had to figure out how to convince _Alex_ he'd meant what he'd said, and there was really only one way he could think of. 

"I hope that means it's my turn now," he murmured, and watched a pair of startled green eyes meet his. 

"Fox?" 

"I want you, Alex. Make love to me?" 

Those eyes closed for a moment, and when they opened there was heat deep within them, like lightning splintering a tornado sky. Mulder's heart skipped a beat, his throat went dry, and every inch of his skin prickled intolerably as his cock hardened; need calling to need, primal and inevitable. 

"Are you sure?" More a warning than a real question. 

"Very sure," Mulder replied, and he was. "I want you," he said again, watching the truth of his words move over Alex like a physical touch. 

In a catquick motion that Mulder was never quite able to figure out afterwards, Alex flipped him flat on his back and crouched over him on hands and knees. The only places their bodies touched were where Alex's knees pressed against the outsides of Mulder's thighs, then Alex caught Mulder's hands, one at a time. He twined their fingers together palm to palm, and held them alongside Mulder's head, lowering his head to nuzzle at Mulder's temple. 

Mulder was helpless to prevent a shuddering gasp, already as turned on as he'd been at any time during the last two days, and deliciously afraid he wasn't going to be the same person he'd always been by the time Alex Krycek got done with him. 

He couldn't wait. 

"You'd better be sure, Fox," that rough-soft voice murmured in his ear. A wet tongue traced along the outer curve of his pinna, then the lobe was seized in an almost painful nip. Mulder shivered as that seductive voice continued to weave its wild magic, going straight from his ear to his balls. "Because *I'm* sure. Sure I want to bury myself in you so deep you'll always feel me there, a part of you. Sure I want to hear you screaming when I fuck you, hard and slow, and make you come. Sure you're never gonna want anyone but me. _Are you sure_ , Fox?" 

That tongue swiped up his cheekbone and over his temple, and the lightest of kisses ghosted across each of his eyelids. There couldn't have been a greater contrast between Alex's rather threatening tone and the overwhelming love behind his actions. Mulder didn't remember having closed his eyes, vaguely aware he was trembling, hips jerking involuntarily, seeking contact and hindered by Alex's strong legs. 

"Yes, Alex. Please," he whispered, then that mouth was at his other ear, inhaling his scent before tasting him. Before answering him. 

"Oh, but I _am_ gonna please you, my Fox," Alex promised, and Mulder moaned, feeling the heat from Alex's body searing his across inches of empty space. "Gonna please myself, too. Want you so much, for so long, now. Want to drown myself in you." 

Teeth tested the tendon beneath his ear, not gently, then Alex's tongue was back, licking over the little pain and taking it away. Completely unable to do anything else, Mulder threw his head back and offered his throat, groaning at the approving hum that was issued directly into his flesh. 

Things came to him in flashes after that, as he lost the ability to think and became a creature solely of sensation. Alex, feasting on his neck, marking him in bites and bruises that hurt so fucking good... lips hot and hungry on his mouth, his chest, his nipples, until Mulder was writhing for more. At some point his hands were released, but he couldn't move them, spellbound by his sorcerous lover, whose hands seemed to be _everywhere_ , stroking, pinching, petting. Carefully closing on his scrotum, gauging his responses, adjusting accordingly, rolling the contents to Mulder's needy moans but avoiding his near-to-bursting cock. Hands, smoothing down the length of his legs, exploring the contours of his ankles, followed by mouth and teeth. When Mulder felt his big toe enclosed in that warm wet cavern, he let out his first scream, a low, disbelieving wail that drew a satisfied chuckle. 

"You didn't know, did you, love," tickling tongue and a hard suck won another broken gasping cry, then Mulder was being turned over. Alex covered his back, a heavy and welcome weight, even while Mulder hissed out a breath as his erection was mashed into the mattress. "You didn't know your big toes were connected straight to your dick, hmm." That teasing voice right in his ear, again, driving him insane with lust. 

"Alex, _please_ fuck me," Mulder begged shamelessly, bucking his ass up to rub against the maddening press of Alex's cock. Alex groaned, which gratified Mulder, then _he_ groaned when Alex's lower body lifted off his. 

"Soon, moy lyubov," Alex assured, snuffling the hair at the back of Mulder's head, something else that seemed to go straight to Mulder's dick. 

"Not fair," Mulder gasped as that tongue licked the sweat off the nape of his neck. "I- I didn't make- make you- wait so long." 

"Not true. You made me wait six and a half years." 

Hands slid under his chest to tweak his nipples while teeth closed on the back of his neck, and Mulder wailed into the bed. His entire body was electrified and tingling. 

"Knees and elbows, Fox," Alex ordered hoarsely, helping him get positioned before moving behind him, those hands never leaving his sweat damp skin. Lazy caresses, to Mulder's back, flanks, and chest, occasionally dipping lower to tease the weeping slit at the head of his cock. 

"When you look at the big picture," Alex began, haphazardly scattering biting kisses over Mulder's ass. His voice was strained and raspy, and Mulder dimly understood Alex was as aroused as he was. "I think I'm being very fair, don't you?" 

One hand closed firmly on the base of Mulder's erection, and Mulder let out a genuine full-throated roar when that sly, wicked tongue licked over the entrance to his body then probed deeper. He'd never felt anything like it in his life, never knew he had so many nerve endings packed into such a relatively small area, never knew this could feel so outrageously _good_. The only thing that kept him from coming was Alex's grip on his cock, and his interrupted climax throbbed almost painfully in his balls. 

"ALEX! Fucking god!" He shouted, convinced he would have flown off the bed if Alex hadn't been holding him so tightly. That tongue withdrew and was replaced with a slippery finger, stretching and loosening him. 

"I know, love. Me too," came a rather incoherent reply, as one finger was rapidly replaced by two... not quickly enough for Mulder, who pushed backward onto those fingers, aware he was whimpering and just not giving a damn. Not when Alex was still seducing him with softly spoken words. "Want you so much. Need you. Always needed you. My beautiful Fox." 

Three fingers now, and Mulder was vibrating like a drawn bow, his breath escaping his body in rough sobs. There was nothing in the world for him but Alex, and he waited with a blind desperation that pulled tears out of his eyes. A brush of fingertips over his prostate induced another imploded near-orgasm, then the fingers were gone, immediately exchanged for something larger, harder, and much, much better. 

Hands clamped on his hips in a bruising grip, preventing Mulder from shoving himself backward, keeping Alex's invasion gradual and gentle. There was some pain, but Mulder was too far gone to care, and it soon faded, passing into a delirious pleasure. Waves of heat throbbed up from the place where they were joining, and finally, finally, Alex possessed him completely, buried inside him balls deep. 

It wasn't Mulder's first time, although it might as well have been, because it had never been like this. Had he breath for it, Mulder would have screamed or laughed or wept- he'd never felt so out of control, while at the same time feeling so totally controlled by the arms that held him and the hard presence impaling his core. 

Mulder was urged off his elbows, body lifted, drawn backwards to lean against Alex's torso. The shift in position made him cry out, an agonizing rapture that intensified when the embrace around him tightened. Alex began to rock them together, and Mulder was full, so full of Alex and love and need, like nothing he'd ever experienced. 

This wasn't the hard fuck he'd been threatened with, although it was achingly slow, but no part of Mulder protested. He was being made _love_ to, adored, worshipped. Treasured. He reveled in it; Alex kissing his back and lapping at his sweat, voicing strangled endearments that he only half heard through his own helpless noises. Alex was so big in him Mulder's prostate was being continuously massaged, and Mulder distantly wondered if he was going to survive his impending orgasm. 

One strong forearm braced his chest as Alex took his cock in that virgin left hand, pumping him in time with each languid thrust. The added stimulation was too much, and the storm broke inside him with ecstatic fury. Mulder stiffened and shrieked as he started to come, powerfully, endlessly, in lightning strike surges of joy that spattered out over the sheets. The spasms rolled through him like thunder. Alex's voice in his ear commanded him to give it all up, and Mulder did, screaming when Alex lunged into him hard, howling with the force of his own climax. Mulder could feel it, pulsing through his lower body, filling him with liquid heat that was its own mind-bending pleasure. 

He had no sense of blacking out or of falling, but when Mulder could think again, he was lying prone on the bed. Alex was still buried inside him, clutching him tightly and sobbing into his shoulder. 

"Alex. Baby. What's wrong?" He asked, not surprised to find he'd gone hoarse. Alex didn't answer, and Mulder nudged him, prompting him to pull out- something that made Mulder groan -and slide to Mulder's side. Mulder turned and pulled Alex into his arms. The younger man hid his face, shuddering with the force of his outburst, and Mulder held him, soothing with pats and strokes until he eventually quieted. Shivers continued to ripple over Alex's skin. They were both so damp from sweat and semen and tears that Mulder was afraid Alex would get chilled, so he fished for the comforter with his foot until he could reach it and pull it over them. 

"Alex? Talk to me." 

The reply was slow in coming, mumbled into the side of Mulder's neck in disjoined, hesitant words. 

"Thought I'd never- never get to love- love you like that, Fox. Dreamed about it- but knew it would never happen. Knew you'd never let me- and I wouldn't have two arms to hold you. Never get to-" 

That shattered little voice hitched and halted, Alex's shoulders shaking with fresh sobs. Mulder was none too calm himself as he cradled Alex against him; aware he was witnessing the lancing of emotional wounds so deep he had no real frame of reference. Thinking about how close he'd come to not experiencing any of this was enough to make him want to cry, as well. His nerves were still humming with random aftershocks. 

"Shh, baby. It's all right. We both know better now, don't we? This was meant to be, Alex. _We_ were meant to be." He had to whisper to keep his voice from breaking. "I love you, Alex." 

"God, Fox, love you, too. Love you so much. You're my world," Alex said unsteadily, pulling his head back to meet Mulder's worried gaze. 

"I'm all right. Just- hold me," Alex requested. Mulder relaxed, drawing that dark head down to lie on his shoulder so he could run his fingers through his lover's silky hair. 

"I can do that," he promised, thoroughly enjoying the simple pleasures of cuddling. 

After a while, Alex moved to look at Mulder, a tiny smile gradually tilting one corner of his mouth. 

"Good, huh?" 

Mulder had to laugh, thrilled when Alex's smile widened and lit up his eyes. 

"I don't think 'good' is a big enough word," he admitted, drying the remnants of Alex's tears with one hand before holding that stubborn chin still for a sweet kiss. "You were right, you know. I still feel you inside me. I think I'm going to become a bottom hog." 

"Oh, you think so, do you? _I_ think we're just going to have to take turns." 

"You can flip me for it," Mulder teased, happy when Alex caught his meaning and snorted at him. 

"What is that, enlightened self interest?" 

"Something like that. Are you sleepy?" 

"Not really." Alex gave him a considering look. "I'm hungry." 

"I am, too," Mulder realized with some surprise. 

"You should be. Why don't we take a shower and go raid the refrigerator?" 

"Aren't you worried about waking up Alex and Scully?" Mulder asked, just to see what he'd say. Alex actually giggled, green eyes bright and clear. 

"Trust me, Fox, if they're even home yet, there's no way they slept through your screaming. I bet you had every dog in the neighborhood barking," Alex informed him with a satisfied grin. Mulder rolled his eyes, but he was laughing inside. 

Alex was probably right. He hadn't suspected that he was capable of the kind of vocal range he'd exhibited earlier. 

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, rat. Shower. Food." 

"Fox, can you cook?" 

"I'm really hoping you can, Alex." 

"Huh. Maybe there's leftovers, then," Alex remarked, rolling his own eyes, and they were both snickering as they clambered out of the bed. 

+++++++++++++ 

Between the two of them, they managed sandwiches and beer. They were comfortably ensconced on the sofa in the living room, watching a ball game, when their hosts dragged in. Mulder was a little surprised to realize it was only midnight. 

"Good, we're not interrupting anything," Scully commented, heedless of the blushes she provoked from Mulder and Krycek. She collapsed onto the sofa beside Mulder and gave her husband an irritated glare. "He took me to see the new Mission Impossible movie," she explained when Mulder lifted an inquiring eyebrow. Alex shrugged at them and went into the kitchen. 

"Wasn't it any good?" Krycek asked, smirking at her disgruntled expression. 

"Be glad I'm not asking _you_ that question," Scully said with an evil grin, laughing when Krycek's flush deepened dramatically. "It would have been fine if Alex had kept his mouth shut. He had to pick apart every stunt and every piece of _imaginary_ technology!" She raised her voice so the object of her complaint would hear it. 

"I hope you don't do that," Mulder said to his rat, who made a face at him. 

"I am familiar with the term 'willing suspension of disbelief', Fox." 

Alex came back in with more beer, handing them each one before flopping into the easy chair. 

"Who's playing?" 

"The Lakers and Portland," Mulder answered, watching as O'Neal made yet another free throw, reminding him once again he was in an alternate universe. "Lakers are winning." 

"Yeah, I think they're going to take the championship this year," Alex said with a sigh. "God, I'm glad we don't have to get up early in the morning." 

"No work?" 

"We've got court tomorrow afternoon, so we're taking the morning off," Scully explained, then yawned. "Excuse me. We just wrapped up a big case, and we have to meet with the prosecutor and then testify at the trial." 

"What kind of case?" Mulder asked curiously as Alex grimaced. 

"Ritualistic cult murders. Took us two months to gather enough evidence for an indictment," Alex said with his own yawn. "God, you know you're getting old when you can't keep your eyes open after midnight," he remarked as he finished his beer. 

"Speak for yourself, pops," Scully remonstrated to her husband's answering smile. 

"Come put your old man to bed, woman. Time for me to reap the benefits of Tom Cruise's sex appeal, if not his acting ability." 

"Alex, really." Scully laughed, but stood and took the hand her husband was holding out for her, pulling him up off the chair. 

Good nights were exchanged all around then Scully and her Alex disappeared down the hall, leaving Mulder and his Alex alone. Alex had a rather grim expression on his face, and Mulder wondered what was running through his mind. 

"Alex?" 

"They're so happy, Fox. I just-" Alex shook his head and shrugged. 

"Well, I _know_ why Scully is so happy," Mulder teased, but became serious when he saw the genuine confusion in his lover's eyes. "What is it that bothers you, Alex? Are you envious?" 

That last question came out of nowhere, and Mulder could have kicked himself. He sounded like an insecure idiot. 

"Maybe I _am_ a little envious," Alex confessed reluctantly. 

Something in Alex's eyes told Mulder he was going to some effort to be completely honest in his reply. Mulder flashed on the memory of him saying 'I don't ever want to lie to you again', and tried to give him time to pick his words. 

"I never saw myself as a normal guy with a normal life, but in this universe, I am, and I- it's painful, comparing my life to his. It's impossible _not_ to make comparisons, because of our similarities, but he and I took such different paths, made such different choices. I had good reasons at the time for mine, but it makes me wonder." 

"Can I ask you a question?" Mulder waited for Alex to nod before he went on. "Why didn't you come to me, the way _this_ Alex went to _his_ Fox, and tell me about Spender and the Consortium?" 

Hurt flared briefly in those expressive eyes, rapidly disguised by a defensive, brittle calm. 

"Whether you believe it or not, I didn't see any way out that wouldn't get us both killed. I'd been working for Spender for a year by the time you and I met, Fox, and it was just too late." 

"And Alex and his Fox were already lovers when Spender approached him," Mulder said softly, wishing he could start this conversation over. He hadn't intended to make his Alex think he still blamed him for what had happened, but that was clearly what he'd done. 

"Did Alex tell you how that happened? When and where he met his Fox?" Alex's voice betrayed his tension, his tone tight and clipped. 

"Alex didn't tell me, but Scully mentioned it. They met when Fox gave a lecture to Alex's class at Quantico-" 

"'The serial killer - a basic overview of psychological motivations and characteristics'. We called it Profiling for Dummies as a joke, but you didn't give that lecture in our reality. You were the scheduled speaker, but somebody else showed up instead." 

Alex laughed shortly, but it sounded almost like a sob to Mulder, whose memory was being unpleasantly jogged now, as it hadn't been the night Scully had told him about her Alex and his Fox. He actually felt his heart sink, and he'd always thought that was just a cliche. 

"I blew that lecture off," he realized, the blood draining out of his face. "I was supposed to- oh, God. I blew it off." He hadn't wanted to waste his time on it, Mulder remembered. He'd made some excuse about his mother being ill, gone over to the Gunmen's, and spent the afternoon playing computer games and drinking beer. "Alex, I didn't- I don't-" 

Mulder didn't know what to say, crushed under the weight of hindsight. Alex interrupted his stammering attempts to speak, taking Mulder's hand and squeezing it. 

"Spender approached me six months later, right before graduation." He shook his head. "Let it go, Fox. It happened the way it happened and we can't change it now. There's no guarantee things would have happened any differently between us, anyway." 

Mulder scrubbed at his face with his free hand, his thoughts a roiling mess of guilt, regret, sorrow, and gratitude. Alex was so quick with forgiveness, something at which Mulder knew he very often failed, and he felt so undeserving. Especially now. 

"'For want of a nail, a kingdom was lost'," he whispered. "I feel like I should apologize to you, Alex." 

Alex lifted Mulder's hand and brushed his lips over the palm, a gesture of such profound tenderness Mulder's throat tightened. 

"If it will make you feel better, Fox, I accept your apology, but we haven't lost the kingdom." Alex pulled Mulder toward him for a kiss, and Mulder let himself be comforted. He couldn't do anything else. Couldn't _think_ of anything else, not with Alex's mouth warm on his, but he appreciated how sweet forgiveness tasted. 

By the time Alex released him, Mulder felt a lot better. Half-dazed, languid, and content, arousal was a subliminal hum that left no room for anxiety or self-recriminations. Alex was smiling at him, and Mulder couldn't even be aggravated about the knowing gleam in his lover's eyes. 

"Let me ask you a question, Fox. How do you plan to tell Scully- _your_ Scully about all this? She'll never believe it." 

A chill ran up Mulder's spine. No, Scully wouldn't believe _any_ of it, not that he'd be telling her, anyway. Alex's assumption that he _would_ touched him as much as it disturbed him, though. 

"I don't expect to tell her, Alex," he said without thinking. 

Alex's face went still, that lovely smile instantly gone. 

"No, of course not." 

Oh, shit. It took Mulder about two seconds to recognize that Alex was making _more_ assumptions; namely, that _he_ was the reason Mulder wouldn't be telling Scully about this strange trip and that Mulder was ashamed of him and what had happened between them. Maybe Alex even assumed that Mulder regarded him as some kind of dirty little secret, not fit for exposure. Nothing could be further from the truth, but how could Mulder explain without telling Alex the whole story? How would Alex react to knowing he was going to be essentially mind-wiped, losing everything that had happened between them like it never was... but was that knowledge worse than what Alex was thinking? 

"Alex-" 

"It's over, Fox. I'm going to bed." 

Alex was up and gone before Mulder figured out he was talking about the basketball game. 

Lakers 103, Trailblazers 91. 

Mulder 0. 

++++++++++++ 

He was still sitting there a couple of hours later, watching CNN, when the Alex from this reality came in and sat beside him. 

"Can't you sleep either?" He asked Mulder with a tired grin. "Where's Alexei?" 

"In bed, I guess." Mulder sighed, and Alex gave him a narrow stare. 

"You guess? Did you have a fight? Must have been an awfully quiet one," Alex added half to himself. Mulder shook his head. 

"Nothing like that." The top-of-the-hour news update came on, and Mulder motioned towards the TV. "Is that the case you were talking about?" 

The newscaster was summarizing the alleged crimes of one Teo Mayfield, self-styled leader of the so-called Last Lighters, a cult whose practices were believed to include ritual murder and cannibalism of their victims' hearts and livers. While Mulder watched, pictures of Alex and Scully flashed on the screen, with a brief blurb about 'the tireless efforts of the chief investigators in the case', identifying them by name and mentioning their 'previous successes in exposing the Consortium, a secret organization whose goals included subverting the legitimate government, cloning citizens, and collaborating with an alien invasion force'. The report concluded by stating that the Mayfield trial was due to start 'later today' and for viewers to stay tuned to CNN for further details. 

Dumbfounded, Mulder gaped at the television, not believing he'd actually heard all that on CNN, of all places. He wished his Alex had been out here to hear it with him. The Alex that _was_ here was looking at him with a resigned, unhappy expression. 

"I keep telling you, things are different here. After the Russian Resistance blew up the Colonists' bases, the only way we- and I mean we, the American government -prevented a global nuclear war was by full public disclosure of what was going on. It wasn't our first choice, or even our second or third, but it was deemed necessary to convince certain other governments that there was a mutual enemy so they wouldn't turn on each other, and on us. Don't think for a minute that it's been easy, or better this way, because it hasn't. When the news got out there was a worldwide panic. Riots. Murders. Mass suicides. This cult, Mayfield's Last Lighters, is all a part of that hysteria, and we've actually had fewer consequences in the U.S. than in many other countries. It didn't end just because the Consortium was brought down. I'm not sure it will ever really be over. Langly's done a ton of research on how knowledge of the invasion has affected our collective psyche, and some of the stuff he's uncovered is frightening." 

"Like what?" Mulder was fascinated. 

"The birthrate in Europe and Russia is one third of what it was in the years before news of the attempted invasion became common knowledge. In the U.S. it's one half. The rates of infanticide have almost tripled, on the other hand. People are generally afraid to raise children, afraid to risk letting them become slaves or worse to another group of invading aliens. Drug use and alcoholism is up. Religious fervor is at an all-time high, along with hate crimes and racial intolerance." 

Mulder must have appeared surprised, because Alex nodded. 

"I know, it seems counterintuitive. You would think that having a common enemy would bring people closer together, but it hasn't worked that way. Almost every country has become more insular. Embassies have closed, foreign nationals have been ejected, or executed. Tourism is actually almost nonexistent right now. The global economy has suffered terribly, and here in America we're only just beginning to recover from a huge stock market crash. Investments are down, because no one relies on having much of a future. The space program in this and every other country has come to a complete halt. There is no NASA any more. That's just the tip of the iceberg, Mulder. The public may have had a right to know, but knowing hasn't done them any favors." 

"I always thought-" 

"I know. My Fox thought that, too, that full disclosure was the best way to go. I never agreed, and having lived with it, I know I was right. It'll take a hundred years for this planet to recover from what happened, and the long term effects-" 

Alex rolled his head, cracking the bones in his neck with a sigh. 

"Some time in the future, we'll be contacted by aliens again. What kind of reception do you think they'll get? Even if they're friendly, they don't stand a chance. Q said 'this Earth will still be where it's supposed to be in three hundred and fifty years'. I wish I knew if he meant the planet itself or the people on it. I'm not so sure humanity hasn't doomed itself, after all." 

Alex shook himself. 

"I'm sorry, Mulder. It's the Russian in me. Anticipating the worst is a natural talent of mine. Alexei's probably even worse. So, you want to tell me why he's in there and you're out here alone?" 

"He's not alone," Krycek's voice came low from the shadows, and he stepped out of them like a pale ghost in his white tee and gray sweats. His face was remote, closed off and revealing nothing, eyes dark pools that reflected the flickering light from the TV. 

"You're good. How long have you been there, 'lexei?" 

Alex sounded a bit irritated. Mulder knew _he_ was. It hit too close to the way things had always been between the two of them, Krycek surveilling him. Watching from shadows. 

Mulder held his tongue in favor of seeing how this would play out. It wasn't like either Alex was paying attention to him. They were matching glare for glare. 

"I followed you out here after I heard you walk by." 

"Why not tell us you were there?" Alex asked next, and Krycek gave him an arrogant smirk. 

"Why didn't you notice me, 'lex? Getting soft?" 

Mulder glanced at Alex and saw fury glitter in those eyes, abruptly reminded that this Alex Krycek might be a more domesticated version than his, but was still a volatile, passionate man whom it wouldn't pay to push. Surely, Krycek knew that as well. 

"You don't have to protect him from me." 

Alex's voice was very soft, his tone carrying a clear warning. Mulder could hear it, even if he didn't quite understand it. Krycek inclined his head slightly, but his gaze never dropped from his double's, and the dim room suddenly held an aura of menace that touched Mulder like a cool breeze. 

"Don't I? What you're telling him could change the way he handles the Consortium on _our_ world. What gives you the right?" 

"That's a nice excuse, Alexei, but that's not what you're really worried about, is it." 

Alex did look at Mulder then, a long, lingering inspection of his body from tousled head to bare toes. The kind of inspection that made Mulder feel naked all over, despite his own tee shirt and sweatpants. What was Alex trying to prove? Krycek went pale, then flushed, and Mulder finally got it. His rat was _jealous_ , blazingly so, and Alex not only knew it, he was deliberately provoking it, turning an equally arrogant stare back on Krycek. 

For a long moment, Krycek visibly wavered, and Mulder found himself holding his breath, hoping for _something_ but not exactly sure what that something was. Hoping his Alex would feel enough confidence to enforce his claim? Hoping he'd demonstrate that much faith? 

Krycek shook his head and dropped his gaze, walking past them silently and disappearing out the front door. It wasn't until after the door closed quietly behind him that Mulder realized he had on a pair of running shoes. 

"Dermo! Sukin syn!" Alex was cursing under his breath, and Mulder's palms itched with the urge to strangle him. He settled for a nasty sneer and got up, ignoring the regret in those green eyes. They weren't the eyes he needed to see. 

Going outside after Krycek, Mulder had to curse himself for having done nothing to interrupt that whole scene- all it would have taken was a single word. He could have held out his hand to his lover and made his own position clear. 

He might have told Alex the truth to begin with, about everything, and made sure Alex had no reason to feel insecure or jealous. 

Alex was stretching, obviously preparing to go for a run. One foot was braced on the edge of the porch step, while he bent over in a graceful lunge. Mulder's mouth went dry at the flex of muscles under those thin gray sweatpants, and the memory of how they'd felt moving against his skin. The street was dead quiet, in that way peculiar to the depths of night, and Mulder didn't know where to start. Didn't know how to break this silence. 

He sat down on the step, and Alex merely changed feet, stretching the other leg. 

"Alex-" 

"What do you want, Mulder?" 

"Are we back to that?" He wondered sadly. "Aren't you forgetting something?" 

"No, I think I remembered something," Alex said, meeting his eyes for the first time. Mulder caught back a gasp at the carefully guarded blankness of Alex's gaze, aware the younger man was trying very hard to hide what he felt, which meant he was hurting. Mulder was beginning to understand that much, at least. 

"What is it you think you remembered?" 

"Who you are. Who I am. What I am." Alex straightened, chin high. 

"You're Alex, my lover." 

"No. I'm Krycek, the ratbastard Consortium spy, and you're the one who's forgetting. I'm not him. I'm not the good little agent on the right side of the law. I'm not good, period, and I never should have let myself-" 

He moved to go, and Mulder stood up and grabbed his hand. His left hand, the one that had so recently given Mulder such incredible, immeasurable pleasure. Mulder twined their fingers together and tugged, forcing Alex back around to face him despite Alex's efforts to get free. 

"Let me see if I've got this straight. You've decided, based on my own stupid failure to speak up, that I'm ashamed of you, unwilling to tell Scully about us, and confused about which Alex Krycek I really want. Does that about sum it up?" Mulder asked, managing to keep his voice low despite his sudden wrath. "And what happened between _us_ , you and me, that was just some kind of momentary aberration. Scratching an itch, maybe. And everything I said to you, that was a lie. Tell me, Alex. Is that actually what you believe?" 

Alex stared at the ground, and Mulder gave his hand a rough yank, shaking his balance, making him stumble. 

"Look at me, Alex. Look at me and tell me that's what you really believe." 

"I don't know what to believe," Alex mumbled in the direction of his feet. Mulder reached for that chin with his free hand; sick inside when Alex flinched. He thought they were past that. He didn't take his hand away, though, choosing instead to curl his palm around Alex's stubbled jaw and turn that face towards his. Fought his own urge to flinch at the bewildered misery in those dark eyes. 

"Alex, I didn't want to tell you this-" 

"Don't. Don't say it. Don't-" 

He's so sure I'm going to hurt him, Mulder realized regretfully as Alex tried to get away from him. He pulled the younger man's resisting body into an unyielding embrace, knowing Alex was hampered by the fact that _he_ wouldn't hurt _Mulder_. It gave Mulder the advantage. He'd be damned if he was going to let Alex go. Not this time. He was determined to make sure he said everything Alex needed to hear. 

"Shut up and listen to me, baby. Please. Just listen. I need you to listen, Alex, because I do love you. You _have_ to believe _that_. We don't have time to waste on misunderstandings. Please, don't leave. I need to explain something to you." He kept up this quiet litany until Alex stopped struggling and leaned into him, arms creeping around Mulder's midsection. 

"Fox-" 

"Shh, just let me hold you for a minute." Mulder backed them into the shadows, never loosening his grip on his elusive rat. "I don't know if things will ever be easy between us, Alex, but they don't have to be so hard, if you'd just remember-" 

Mulder's voice broke on the word, and he buried his face in the side of Alex's warm neck, filling himself with Alex's scent. 

"I don't know how to live without you now, Alex. I don't think I ever did." Mulder dragged in a shuddering breath. "Q, that alien, the one who brought us here. He said- he said when he sends us back, we'll have no- no conscious memory of what happened to us while we were here. We'll be put back in the same circumstances he took us from. It will be like all this never happened, and I didn't know how to tell you- I didn't _want_ to tell you. I didn't want you to know." 

Alex went completely still, then his arms clutched Mulder to him convulsively, his body wracked with sudden tremors. 

"No. _No_! That's not- that can't _happen_! You can't go back there, where the aliens had you! No! I won't let that happen!" 

That desperate whisper brought tears to Mulder's eyes, and he held onto Alex just as tightly. It was time for full disclosure between _them_ , if no where else. 

"And you can't go back to the place where _you_ were, Alex. You were suicidal. I saw you- Q showed us. You were begging Skinner to shoot you. You have to live, baby. Promise me?" 

"Christ, don't you know why I felt that way? I don't _want_ to live if you don't." Alex pushed Mulder away far enough to be able to look at his face, then took his mouth in a searing kiss. Mulder was gasping when Alex drew back, his lips tingling and the rest of his body on fire. "I'm not a hero, Fox. I don't give a cold damn for the rest of the world if you're not in it. How can you ask me-" 

"Because I need to know you're going to be there. Q implied that the aliens would bring me back, that I'd get over whatever it is they're going to do to me, but I can't do that if you aren't _there_. You have to _promise_ me-" 

"What fucking good is any promise I give you here and now, if I'm not going to remember it? God _damn_ it!" Alex's voice had risen to a shout, and he was out of Mulder's arms before Mulder could stop him, dropping to his knees and pounding the ground with one fist. "This is hell, isn't it. Skinner _did_ shoot me, and this is my hell. I get to hear you say you love me, get to make love with you, even get my arm back, and find out it's all just some kind of alien trick that I won't even remember!" 

A brilliant flash of white light momentarily blinded Mulder, and when his vision cleared, Alex was going after Q with murder in his eyes. Q snapped his fingers, of course, and froze Alex in mid-leap. Mulder blinked, not sure he could believe what he was seeing; Alex suspended in thin air. 

Q stepped away from where he was standing with his neck between Alex's open hands. Smirking, he buffed his fingernails on his odd red and black shirt. 

"Temperamental, isn't he? And quick, too. I simply can't wait to tell dear old Worf that a twentieth century human came closer to actually attacking me than he ever did. Amazing, really." Much as he'd done to the other Alex on his previous visit, Q walked around Krycek and conducted a close inspection of that lithe, outstretched body, only this time it was Mulder who flushed with fury. 

Jealous fury. 

Mulder wasn't surprised to find he was frozen in place, too. 

Q gave him an amused glance. 

"Oh, I admit, he's quite the temptation, mon cher Renard. If I didn't have a lovely temptation of my own waiting for me in the twenty-fourth century, I might be inclined to offer you another deal altogether. Why, imagine it. Like something out of one of your Hollywood vids- oh, do forgive me, you call them movies, don't you. One night with your beautiful Alexei in exchange for- what? A million dollars? Total recall of your time together? Or perhaps those aren't sufficient stakes. My personal guarantee that you won't go back to the Colonists' ship?" 

Q snapped his fingers, and Mulder found himself standing with Q on a mountaintop in what was apparently California, because he recognized the lights of Los Angeles spread out in the valley before them. Alex was seated at their feet, audibly grinding his teeth, something Q regarded with an irritated frown. 

"Tut tut, Alexei, that's terribly bad for your tooth enamel. I promise I will allow you to speak shortly, but do permit me to enjoy my little biblical allusion, first." Q took Mulder by the elbow and waved his other hand out in front of them in a theatrical gesture. "What do you say, dear boy? What can I offer you?" 

"I believe the appropriate line is 'Get thee behind me, Satan'," Mulder said dryly, and Q laughed with obvious delight. 

"Oh, I _do_ like you, Mister Mulder." 

"Did you come to send us home?" 

"No, not yet. Your Alexei doesn't seem quite stable enough for that, although I admire your progress. It's scarcely been a solar day, after all." 

"Then why did you come?" 

Another snap, and they were all somewhere else... inside a large open room. Sea breezes fluttered in through gauzy white curtains, surf crashed against a distant shore, and sunlight poured in as thick as warmed honey. It was pleasantly warm without being oppressively hot, wherever they were. Hawaii? The Riviera? The Bahamas? Mulder couldn't tell, and doubted that it really mattered. 

His guts were knotted up with apprehension. He'd known Q was more powerful than any alien he'd ever seen, and despite what Q had said about liking him, Mulder was worried. He wasn't sure that being the object of the capricious alien's affection was such a good thing. 

Mulder and Q were seated on a padded sofa, while Alex had been deposited on a cane chair directly in front of them. Q casually poured Mulder and himself a drink from a pitcher that was sitting on a rattan table at his elbow, handing it to him with a flourish. 

"I'd offer Alexei a drink, but he's still quite disturbed. I'm afraid he'd simply throw it in my face, which would be a shameful waste of a good margarita. Try it, won't you?" 

With an apologetic glance at Alex, Mulder sipped at his drink. It _was_ a margarita, a very good one, and Mulder resisted the impulse to belt it back like water. 

"Hmm, we're not appropriately dressed for these surroundings," Q mused, changing their clothes with yet another snap. They now wore brightly printed luau shirts, simple khaki shorts, and were all barefoot. "Much better. I must remember to bring Jean-Luc here some time." 

Q trained those bottomless dark eyes on Alex for a long moment, then produced another glass and filled it, handing it to him without comment. Alex accepted it the same way, tasting it calmly then inclining his head in Q's direction. Mulder had to admire his self-possession, and briefly wondered if Alex had concluded this was all some kind of hallucination. 

Alex spoke, then, and took Mulder's breath. 

"If you meant what you said, about guaranteeing that Mulder won't go back to the Colonists' ship, I'll spend tonight and every night with you, Q. Willingly. And thanks for my arm, by the way." 

"Alex-" Mulder got out, then abruptly couldn't speak. Q set his glass down and crossed his arms over his chest, regarding Alex with a faint smile. 

"You're quite welcome. I do believe you're serious, Alexei." 

"I am." 

"You would prostitute yourself?" 

"I would. For him." 

"Lovely as you are, Alexei, I am currently involved elsewhere. I actually came to make another offer, but if it will ease your mind, I promise to make _sure_ your Fox survives his visit with the Colonists. I don't make promises very often, and the ones I make I keep. His eventual recovery, however, will depend entirely on you, which brings me to my reason for being here." 

"I'm listening." 

"It was rather short-sighted of me to plan on removing both your memories of your time in this reality. I'd like to propose an alternative. One of you may keep your memories intact. Full and entire, down to the last moan and whimper. It's up to the two of you to decide which one." 

"Why not both of us?" Alex asked, ignoring Q's suggestive leer. 

"Call it an experiment, or a whim," Q declared with an airy wave. Alex looked less than impressed, and Q shrugged. "I hardly owe you an explanation, mon beau rongeur." 

Alex merely stared at him, and Q stared back with a rather cruel smile. 

"Alexei, you are only the second human I've ever met who could say so much with just your eyes. It really is something of an experiment. I'm quite curious to know which of you will consider your memories more essential... or more accurately, which of you will consider the *other's* memories more essential." 

Alex stared at Q gravely, then gave an odd little shake of his head and rattled something off in French far too fast for Mulder to follow. Q plainly understood, lowering his head in Alex's direction, a gesture that even Mulder recognized was a tribute. 

"You appeal to a sense of compassion that some would tell you I do not possess." 

"I stopped believing what I was told almost seven years ago," Alex replied with an answering shrug, and Q's smile widened to reveal genuine amusement. 

"So you did. You're really quite extraordinary, for a human." 

Q got to his feet. 

"Have a vacation on Uncle Q. I'll be back sometime in the next day or two to hear your decision and send you home." 

He lifted his fingers to snap, and Mulder discovered his tongue could work again. 

"Wait. Will you let Scully and her Alex know we're okay? They'll be worried if we just-" 

"Mon cher Renard, what do you think I am, your errand boy?" 

Q heaved a dramatic sigh, snapped his fingers, and was suddenly adorned, and most intriguingly, in flowing silk trousers, a brief open vest, an elaborate turban, and a sparkling jewel in his navel. Mulder and Alex both gaped at him in astonishment as he bowed deeply in their direction, gesturing gracefully with his hands. 

"Very well. Your wish is my command, but don't think for a moment that I'd do this for just anybody!" 

A last snap, and Q was gone. To Mulder's surprise, Alex was laughing. Not snickers, not giggles, but whole-body-shaking belly laughter; the kind that Mulder had never seen from Alex before. 

"Do you think he'll show up at 'lex's dressed like that?" Alex managed as his amusement subsided. "He's really something, isn't he?" 

"I don't believe you, Alex!" Mulder was torn between feeling outrage and concern for Alex's sanity. They'd been through a harrowing scene before Q ever showed up, then Alex had virtually offered himself to the alien, and now- "Don't you realize how serious this is? We've been stranded God knows where, we're at the questionable mercy of an alien with God knows what kind of powers, we have no idea what's going to happen next, and you're laughing?" 

"God knows why," Alex said and dissolved into a fit of giggles, holding his stomach as if it hurt. "Come on, Fox. Krycek's first rule of survival. If you can't change it, learn to live with it. Lighten up." 

" _Lighten up_? Listen, Alex-" 

"No, _you_ listen, Fox." Alex was out of the chair and straddling Mulder's lap, hands burrowing under Mulder's shirt to dance over his ribs. "Lighten up!" 

Mulder writhed beneath those wickedly clever fingers, breathlessly whooping out his own laughter as Alex tickled him, then Alex's hands moved to caress his chest, thumbs brushing over his nipples. Mulder gasped, his nerves firing in sudden arousal. As quickly as that, he was lost. 

"I know," Alex whispered in his ear before that hot mouth started gliding along his jaw, "that we have a dozen things we need to discuss." Mulder's lower lip was sucked into Alex's mouth and gently nibbled on, then reluctantly released, while Alex unbuttoned Mulder's shirt and pushed the material back. 

"You and what you said. Me and what I said. Q and what _he_ said. Scully, Alex, Scully, our memories, who keeps them, what we're going to do when we go back... I _know_ ," Alex stroked Mulder's skin, catching and tugging on the fine hairs he found, fingertips lingering and wandering. "We have to talk. But right now, can we just _be_? Can we talk later, moy lyubov?" 

He punctuated this request by rolling his hips forward, impressing his very evident erection into the matching hardness beneath him. 

Mulder surrendered with a helpless sigh, unwilling and unable to refuse. Undone by the look on Alex's face. Concentrated and intense, a lingering smile still curving that perfect mouth, glittering eyes half hidden under the sweep of those thick dark lashes. Raising his own hands, Mulder slowly loosened each of Alex's buttons, stealing a brief touch of that satin skin with every newly exposed inch of flesh. He wondered how it was possible that he wanted Alex more now than he had before they'd ever made love. What kind of odd chemistry made the anticipation so much sweeter, made the hunger keep growing, and made the need so endless? He couldn't get enough of this man, and neither could he refuse that heartfelt plea. 

"I'd love to just _be_ with you," he admitted, pushing the shirt off Alex's shoulders, feeding his hands on the flex and flow of deltoids, biceps, and forearms. He got rid of the shirt and slid his fingers into Alex's, pulled their joined hands to his mouth, and licked at the very tips of Alex's fingers before dragging them over his lips. 

"Jesus, Fox, I love your mouth," Alex said in that raspy midnight voice, the one that went straight to Mulder's cock. 

"What else do you love?" He asked lazily, dipping his tongue into the crevices between their twined fingers, arousing them both with the sensation. Alex shivered against him, and Mulder's gut flipped with a visceral surge of desire. 

Alex rocked their groins together again, arching over Mulder with a low, humming moan, nuzzling the sensitive skin under Mulder's ear. 

"I love the way you smell, and the way you taste. I love the sound of your voice, and how your skin quivers when I touch you. I love the way you think, and the way I _stop_ thinking when you kiss me. Kiss me, Fox?" 

"God, yes," Mulder groaned, on the verge of coming just from hearing Alex's sensual murmurs in his ear. He grabbed a handful of the short, silky hair at the back of Alex's head, pulling their mouths together, sucking and biting on those delectable lips until they parted for his hungry tongue. So good, always so damned good, and Mulder wanted him so much. 

He tore their mouths apart, catching his breath, while his hands went to Alex's hips and pushed. 

"Stand up, baby." 

Alex got to his feet and swayed before Mulder's grip steadied him. When Mulder was sure Alex was balanced, he finished removing his own shirt then untied the drawstring fastening of Alex's shorts. It was Mulder's turn to laugh when he slid Alex's shorts down and discovered that Q hadn't bothered to include underwear. He carefully worked the shorts over Alex's erection, resisting the impulse to taste the ready length that was reaching for him as the discarded clothing pooled at Alex's feet. 

Not yet, but soon, he promised himself. Very soon. 

"You can get in trouble for laughing at a man after you pull his shorts off," Alex pointed out huskily, but one look at those amused green eyes reassured Mulder that Alex knew what he was finding so funny. 

"I like trouble," Mulder said idly, taking hold of Alex's hips. He rubbed his thumbs over the tender skin next to the bony wings of pelvis, fingers fanned out to press into the lush flare of that ass. Ignoring his own arousal for the time being, Mulder treated himself to a close inspection of his lover's beautiful cock. 

And it was beautiful, although 'beautiful' wasn't a word Mulder had previously thought to associate with that part of a man. Like Alex himself, perfectly formed, hard, hot, and strong. Mulder breathed in the subtle smell of Alex's desire for him and realized that once again, his mouth was watering. 

Very soon was right now. 

He pulled Alex towards him and rubbed his nose and the side of his face against the base of Alex's cock, like a cat scent-marking territory, luxuriating in that firm satin warmth. A low moan sounded over his head and he smiled when Alex's hands came to rest gently on his bare shoulders, each finger a separate caress. 

That Alex was so responsive to his least little touch no longer surprised Mulder, but what _did_ surprise him was the anticipation he felt. He'd never particularly enjoyed doing this. It was one of those things he'd done for past sexual partners just to be fair; to guarantee a reciprocal performance or as a payback, or on a few occasions, to avoid doing anything else. It was all so different with Alex. Mulder didn't feel like he was being coerced, however silently. There was no sense of being used. On the contrary, he felt... joyful, that he could offer this. Happy to give and happier to take what he wanted. 

"Unbelievable," he murmured into Alex's balls, his tongue snaking out to sample the varied textures of this most vulnerable flesh. Those fingers tightened on his shoulders a bit, accompanied by another soft moan as Mulder licked a path up that pulsating length, tracing the prominent vein throbbing along the underside. He marveled at the dichotomy between the baby-tender surface and the iron strength it overlaid, tongue teasing the bundle of nerves just beneath the crown, Alex's harsh gasps their own reward. 

"Oh, God, Fox." 

"Mmm," Mulder agreed, lapping over the velvety head and catching his lover's essence, that salt-sweet flavor bursting over his tongue. So good. Alex tasted so good, felt so good, he had to have more. 

He glanced up long enough to see the dazzled pleasure in those passion-dark eyes, then sucked Alex's cock into his mouth, slowly lowering his head until he felt the blunt tip bumping the back of his throat. Glad now that he was sufficiently experienced not to gag himself, Mulder took Alex deep, aware his lover was trembling under his hands. Such self-control his Alex possessed, to fight the natural urge to thrust. Mulder knew it was up to him to set a rhythm and show Alex it was okay to let go. 

Using his hands on Alex's hips, Mulder fucked Alex into his mouth, his own erection twitching and straining helplessly in his shorts when Alex cried out his name. Yes, again, he thought, speeding the pace, flattening his tongue to stroke and guide that hard, welcome presence. He wanted to hear that again, his name in that desperate, needy tone; and Alex obliged him by chanting it. The effect on Mulder was amazing, evoking the oddest mixture of accomplishment and gratitude he'd ever known, shooting straight to his balls and drawing them tight. 

One of Alex's hands left his shoulder to thread through his hair, and Mulder hummed approvingly. Oh, this was so goddamned good, and there was a difference between being used and feeling well used. Mulder felt Alex's cock swell, felt the hand in his hair tighten involuntarily, then heard Alex wail, and he understood two things. Loving Alex made the difference, and Alex's climax was going to tip _him_ over the edge, hands-free. 

Mulder had the fleeting, idle hope that Q had provided a change of clothes, then it was happening. Alex was pouring life down Mulder's throat, and Mulder was trying to remember to swallow while his own orgasm exploded out of him in a burst of wild joy. He clutched Alex close to him and choked out a groan as the spasms roared through them both, sparing enough presence of mind to keep working that pulsating length with his tongue. Alex virtually screamed -talk about sounds that only dogs could hear- and shuddered against him. Would have fallen without Mulder's strong hold and the fingers that were now biting into his shoulder. Mulder didn't mind, finding the sharp pain only added to his satisfaction. 

He let Alex's slowly softening cock slide out of his mouth with a final suck, savoring the taste on his tongue and dimly thinking he could nurse at that flavor like a baby at breast. The hand tangled in his hair freed itself carefully and smoothed over his head. Mulder leaned into that warm, taut body, sighing contentedly, only half aware when Alex slid to his knees and embraced him. They stayed like that for a long while, leaning together, arms wrapped loosely around each other. Shell-shocked, Mulder thought with a tiny snicker. 

Alex moved one hand to explore the front of his shorts and stilled, apparently surprised. 

"Fox?" 

"You took me with you, baby, didn't you know?" 

"I was a little preoccupied at the time," Alex pointed out, and they started laughing, breathless giggles muffled in sweat-damp skin. 

"Love you, Alexei," Mulder eventually whispered, the name fitting his tongue for the first time. Alex kissed his neck, then his ear, arms tightening around Mulder's torso. 

"Love you, Fox. Always." 

"I know, and that's why you have to be the one who remembers all this," Mulder said out of nowhere, wondering if he sounded as determined as he suddenly felt. There was no room for debate or discussion in his opinion, because he _knew_ he was right. Irrevocably, unmistakably, immutably right. Alex had to have the memories. Had to have a reason to survive after Q sent them home. 

Alex pulled away far enough to look at him, his expression serious. 

"Do you really believe that will be easier for me? Let's assume you _do_ come back from the Colonists' ship, and you _do_ recover. Let's even assume between the two of us- the _three_ of us, if you count Scully, that we bring down the Consortium somehow and prevent the invasion. Where will that leave us? Think about it. You- you'll hate me again, Fox, and the memories will eat me alive. How do I live with _that_?" 

"How do you live without it, Alex?" Mulder asked, aware his eyes had filled with tears and not caring. He was abruptly exhausted, worn from the last three days and the rollercoaster of emotions they'd contained. All Mulder could see was the bleak expression on Alex's face as he'd told Skinner to shoot him. Alex passed out and undefended, alone. "I can't- can't-" 

He choked on the words, finishing the sentence in his thoughts. Can't lose you. Can't imagine living without you. Can't bear the world without you in it, somewhere. 

He never could, Mulder admitted to himself. Even when he thought he'd hated Alex, the man was still one of the few constants in his very inconstant life. No matter how many times in the past he'd told himself he wanted Alex Krycek dead, some part of him had never truly expected it would happen. Now things were so different between them. If Mulder kept the memories of what they'd had here, then returned home somehow and learned Alex was gone, dead... 

He realized he was crying only when Alex wiped his face with shaking fingers. 

"Shh, love, you need to rest. We'll talk about it later, but you know I'll do whatever you want, Fox. You do know that, don't you? It'll be okay. Come on, come lie down." 

Alex urged him up and steered him around behind the couch, and Mulder let himself be led to the other side of the large airy room, where a rather oversized bed waited between a pair of open French doors. They had to be somewhere near an ocean, Mulder thought tiredly, giving himself up to Alex's control. 

"This is nice, huh? We'll work it out, don't worry, love," Alex assured Mulder, stripping him of his shorts and using them to wipe Mulder's skin dry before pulling back the jade-colored top sheet. Mulder let himself be tucked in, grabbing Alex's hand before the younger man could step away. 

"Don't leave me." Mulder didn't care how needy he sounded. 

"Not in this lifetime, Fox," Alex promised, repeating the same vow he'd made once already. He leaned over and kissed Mulder's forehead, lips silk-soft and warm. "I'm just going to go make sure there's a bathroom in this place, and take a quick look around. I'll be right back." 

Mulder nodded and released Alex's hand, turning over on his side to watch while his lover prowled about unashamedly and beautifully naked. Less curiosity than reconnaissance, Mulder realized when Alex checked the outside view from each side of the room, automatically keeping his body shielded behind the walls as he peered out windows. Only when he had apparently satisfied himself as to their surroundings did Alex vanish through the only interior door Mulder could see, which from what Mulder could hear, did evidently lead to a bathroom. 

Mulder was fighting to stay awake when Alex slid into bed, and it was the most natural thing in the world for Mulder to turn into those waiting arms and feel them close around him. Alex nuzzled his hair and kissed his head, the pure tenderness in the gesture almost bringing Mulder to tears again. 

"Alex-" he began raggedly, but Alex shushed him again. 

"Q spoke to me telepathically, Fox, right after he brought us here and changed our clothes. He said 'it's a red-letter stardate, Alexei, because I'm apologizing for suborning your autonomy. I can see how much that bothers you. If it's any consolation, it would bother me, too'. I told him it *wasn't* any consolation, and he said he makes apologies less often than he makes promises and I should consider myself privileged." 

"What did you say then?" Mulder asked sleepily. 

"I said that being with you was all the privilege I needed, and he said, in this really snotty tone, that he was relieved to learn he'd done _something_ to suit me," Alex remarked with a low chuckle, and Mulder had to smile. "That's when he released his hold on me and handed me a margarita." 

"What was it you told him in French?" 

"Mmm. That was right after he said he was curious about which of us would keep our memories. He spoke to me telepathically again and said he was confident we'd make the right decision. I told him he should worry about his own decisions. The French translates to 'May you perceive and know what things you ought to do, and have grace and power faithfully to fulfil the same'. It's a quote from the Book of Common Prayer." 

"That's why he said what he did, about appealing to his sense of compassion." Mulder shook his head, the motion necessarily slight due to his current position, lying on Alex's chest. "Do _you_ think he has one?" 

"Weirdly enough, yeah, I do, Fox. So stop worrying and go to sleep." 

"It's broad daylight, Alex." 

"And? I'm guessing it's what, around five o'clock in the morning D.C. time. Sleep." 

"You know, you're a bossy son of a bitch, Krycek," Mulder announced with a yawn, wondering if saying that to his Alex meant he owed the other Alex that bottle of Stoli after all. He could feel Alex smiling into his hair, and settled down to let the sounds of that steadfast heartbeat soothe him under, barely hearing Alex's murmured 'yeah, I love you, too, Mulder' before he was out. 

++++++++++++ 

"Wakey wakey boys, we have a problem." 

"Oh, shit. What now?" Mulder heard Alex mutter, and reluctantly opened his eyes to find Q sitting cross-legged at the foot of their bed. He and Alex untangled themselves and sat up as well. Mulder had scarcely rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before Q snapped his fingers and they were fully dressed; Alex in black denim, black tee shirt, and leather jacket, and Mulder in his Armani. Working clothes, his mind supplied over a raw surge of fear. 

"You're sending us back?" 

"Not exactly," Q said with a smirk. "Your little AU friends have managed to get themselves kidnapped. I thought perhaps you'd like to help." 

"You thought right." Alex's voice was grim as he exchanged a look with Mulder, who nodded. 

"Then let's be off, shall we?" Q offered grandly, and their surroundings vanished in a flash of white light. 

End Part 5  
25 August 2002 

Note: Shaq did in fact hit nine of nine free throws in that playoff game, and if you're familiar with his usual free throw stats, you know he _had_ to be in an AU that night... 

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